Food And Sex Makes The World Go Round
by CreativePunk77
Summary: Set during Prime Minister's Brain. AU. Crackish! Harvey/Ingrid. Harvey is lugging around a mysterious suitcase and the rest of SPLAT are intrigued to what it contains. And the Octopus has more of an effect on Dinah, Lloyd, Mandy and Ian than first realised!


**This fic is cut up into snippets of the Prime Minister's Brain.**

* * *

 **FOOD AND SEX MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND**

Ever since the age of two, Harvey James Hunter had _loved_ food _._ Loved it so much that he fantasised at night, about Ingrid licking cream off a doughnut suggestively, then biting into it with her set of baby teeth. The strawberry jam would explode outwards, staining her pink lips a blood red. She would then feed her boyfriend grapes, dangling them over Harvey's mouth in a teasing manner.

And as each grape was twisted off of its vine and fell into his mouth, Harvey would groan, wanting _more_.

And his dick would swell and his underwear would become all sticky-

 _Just kidding._ However, the first section was true and Harvey knew that the fantasy turned his eleven year old self on. Well, not really, but he loved both food and Ingrid so to him, the fantasy _was_ a turn on.

Harvey had not been a fussy child. Whatever he had been provided with in terms of food, he devoured, never complaining about what he was given for one moment. Unlike Lloyd. Lloyd would push his vegetables around his plate whilst Harvey gobbled his up, sometimes even eating Lloyd's if his brother left it for too long.

Not that Lloyd _minded._ It was only vegetables after all. Yet, when Harvey stole food off of his plate which he liked, _then_ his younger brother received a walloping. Lloyd always enjoyed smacking Harvey around the head. The _'grief'_ over his stolen food was healed by his brother's cry of pain and annoyance, and Lloyd found it amusing how Harvey would then turn his pouted lips onto him, as if to say _'what was THAT for?!'_

"For stealing my food, H. You have your own so eat that, but if you _really_ want more, then ask Mum."

That was the sentence he uttered every time the pout was placed upon him and every time, Harvey would lower his head and finish off his own food as he knew that his mother would simply refuse to give him any more food.

His father simply chuckled whenever Harvey went rummaging in the kitchen for more food. And in the times that his son was caught by his wife, Bill Hunter's chuckles increased at the hilarity of it all and he would gasp out through the laughter:

"Oh, leave him be, Teresa! Harvey's a growing boy! An extra chocolate bar isn't going to hurt him!"

Mrs Hunter would then grace her husband with a glare that promptly shut him up and Harvey would be sent away, upstairs to his room _without_ any snacks. Of course, his parents would assume that he would _'starve'_ until the next meal, but what they did not know was that Harvey had an ace up his sleeve…

* * *

The suitcase had been in his possession for a couple of weeks now and Harvey had no idea how he had lived without it. _Everything_ was better with the suitcase….

* * *

It had been decided. They were going to accompany Dinah to Vulcan Tower, which Ingrid was _not happy about._ And boy, had she let everyone know how frustrated and irritated she felt at their decision. As Harvey packed his backpack, he thought grumpily:

' _At least the others got away from Ing's moaning after a while, unlike me on the other hand. I was the one who received a ruptured eardrum, not them!'_

Harvey knew he was an appalling boyfriend for badmouthing his beloved in his mind, but Ingrid had seriously pissed him off with her little rant. She wasn't the only one who hated the stupid Octopus! Or the bloody competition! Or the fact that they had to trek to some tower and wait for Dinah to win. (Harvey was _convinced_ that Dinah would conquer above everyone else in the competition.)

Frustrated, Harvey finished packing his backpack and shot a loving glance towards his suitcase, which was situated by his door. His suitcase emblazoned with Pikachu's that he had purchased in London from a market stall and had kept hidden away from the rest of his family. Until today….

* * *

"What's in the suitcase, H?"

Harvey cradled the suitcase to his chest, body hunched slightly as the jerking of the train threatened to catapult him from his seat. He swallowed down the bile in his throat, nightmarish thoughts enveloping his mind as the train continued to jerk in a frightening manner.

"Earth to H! What's in the suitcase?"

Harvey snapped his gaze up to the source of the voice, biting his lip as Ian's dark blue eyes scorched into his own. Harvey stammered:

"S-Sorry?"

Ian sighed, gripping onto the nearest bar with all of his strength and planting his large feet in the best position to hold his balance. Once he was sure that he would stay straight if the jerking worsened, Ian muttered:

"The suitcase, Harvey. Why do you have it? You don't need that _and_ your backpack."

Harvey smiled sheepishly and mumbled in return: "I-It's got important stuff in t-there."

Before Ian could probe Harvey any further, there was a call from a little way down the carriage.

"Hey, you two! This is our stop!"

Ian swung himself over to the rest of the group whilst Harvey climbed to his feet. Tottering down the carriage, he whispered apologies whenever his suitcase banged into people's limbs.

By the time he was wheeling the suitcase down the platform, the entire carriage was glowering after him, their eyes burning into the back of his head as the train whipped past SPLAT.

Harvey smiled slightly as Dinah patted his shoulder. "Are you alright, Harvey? I noticed that you didn't look too well on the train."

He nodded. "F-Fine, Di. Just felt a bit s-sick."

Worry blossomed across Dinah's face and she whispered: "Are you going to be sick? If so, I'll take you to the toilets."

Harvey shook his head, tugging his suitcase closer to him. "No, it's passing now. Thanks for the offer though."

Dinah smiled, her pinched face lighting up. Harvey smiled back, speaking quietly as the pair of them followed the others out of the station. "I know we haven't been speaking much since the Computer Club, but I just want to let you know that I am supporting you, Ingy too, but we still stand by what we think."

A cold tone sharpened his sister's voice. "That the Octopus is _'stupid'?"_

Harvey nodded, suddenly terrified. Why had Dinah's voice changed like that? He sputtered:

"Well y-yeah, I-"

He squealed as Dinah shoved him sharply, hissing: "Do _NOT_ insult the Octopus! Just because _you_ and _Ingrid_ cannot see its worth!"

Harvey whimpered, having banged his elbow against the platform wall. He spotted something in Dinah's eyes, but she had whipped her head round and fled before he had a chance to analyse it in detail.

Hastily recovering, Harvey ran after SPLAT, backpack slapping against his back and suitcase thudding at his heels. As he heard Lloyd berating Ingrid for _'moaning like an old woman about the wonderful Octopus!,'_ Harvey swallowed down the fresh batch of bile concocting in his throat.

In Dinah's eyes… there had been a sort of glaze.

Dread settled in Harvey's stomach. _'What if the Octopus is affecting Dinah like the Headmaster's hypnosis did? But this time…. It's affecting Lloyd, Ian and Mandy too. What if the Octopus is basically like the Headmaster's eyes?!'_

Shuddering at this potential discovery, Harvey increased his pace as he heard SPLAT ascending the stairs that led to the exit. He struggled with his suitcase, grateful when Ingrid came barrelling back down the stairs to help him. Shielding his hands with hers, she winked, purring saucily:

"So Harv-Harv, what _is_ in the suitcase?"

"Just… stuff."

"Yeah, but what stuff?"

"Oh, nothing. Besides, the others are waiting for us!"

Ingrid rolled her eyes. "Waiting for us to join them in hailing the Octopus as our new God, you mean?"

Harvey tittered, pecking her on the cheek as they met up with the others. "I don't think so."

Lloyd scowled, gesturing to his watch. "Take your time, H!"

Harvey cringed. "Sorry, L. Had a bit of trouble with the suitcase."

"That's no excuse! We want to see the Octopus, but you two are slowing us up!"

Immediately, Ian, Mandy and Dinah chanted: "Yes, we want to see the Octopus."

Ingrid and Harvey shared a look, the latter thinking: _'They have NEVER said that before! Maybe the lure of the Octopus is too strong?... Oh god, this ain't bloody Star Wars.'_

Ingrid seemed baffled as well, but it soon vanished, only to be replaced with rage as her and Lloyd commenced a screaming match. Harvey sighed and hugged his suitcase.

' _This is going to be a LONG DAY…. At least I have you, my suitcase.'_

* * *

Dinah had gone. And part of Harvey was glad because she wouldn't be able to creep him out with her 'worshiping' of the Octopus. However, this had sunk Lloyd, Mandy and Ian into a foul mood and Harvey ended up bearing the brunt of it.

After being screamed at for bringing the suitcase, which was still a mystery to the others, and hurled abuse at for not loving the Octopus, Harvey fell into a depressed mood. A mood that only food could fill.

Although old taunts from Jeff started up in his head about how _'fat'_ he was and what a _'pig'_ he resembled, Harvey shut them out as best as he could and scurried away to the furthest corner of the car park, passing the helicopter with only a brief awed glance.

"Harv-Harv! Wait!"

Harvey stopped jogging, the suitcase smacking into the back of his legs. He hunched his shoulders as his girlfriend skidded to a halt behind him, clapping her hands onto his hunched shoulders and whirling him round to face her.

Ingrid scanned his face as she whispered: "I know they're being arseholes right now, but you didn't need to run off!"

Harvey furrowed his brow, unintentionally snapping: "Alright for you to say, you wasn't the one being shouted at."

Ingrid's anger flared, but she willed it down, sighing: "Harvey, I got scared when you ran off, that's all! Look, I bet once we get Dinah back, then they'll shut up about the Octopus."

Harvey shook his head. "Didn't you see the look in their eyes when they talk about it? And that creepy chant?"

"Well, yeah."

"Something's wrong, Ing and we will find out about it, but….first I need to cheer myself up."

Ingrid grinned, waggling her eyebrows without a moment's hesitation. "I can help with _that_."

Harvey's eyes widened and he gaped as Ingrid continued to purr in a husky tone, hands reaching round to grope his arse. _Usually_ , Harvey would be up for any activities, barring sexual ones as both of them had agreed to wait a few more years in case they were caught and though not verbally expressed, both knew that Harvey might tense up during the midst of such activities, if participated in now.

He staggered back, lugging his suitcase onto the floor and crouched down once free of Ingrid's grip. Ingrid was left standing in shock as her boyfriend slowly opened the suitcase, Harvey muttering:

"Sorry Ingrid, but not now."

"A-Alright, but…. How are you going to cheer up?"

Harvey raised his head and flung open the flap of the suitcase, revealing the contents. Ingrid gasped as rows and rows of _food_ filled her vision. Packets, tins, boxes, bags, containers, even food that was _loose_ was stuffed into the suitcase. As Harvey sat cross legged on the ground, beginning to rummage through it, Ingrid called the others over, disregarding the comments they had subjected her boyfriend to, minutes earlier.

For Ingrid, this was too much.

* * *

Four members of SPLAT stood agape, watching their friend, brother and boyfriend scoffing his face. A flash of anger sparked in Lloyd and he promptly bellowed:

"What the HELL is this?!"

Harvey glanced up, scowling. "I'm busy here!"

Ian snorted. "Yeah, trying to eat. So _this_ is the contents of the mysterious suitcase."

Mandy gagged as Harvey shovelled some sort of squishy substance into his mouth. "Pretty l-lame if you ask me." She sputtered.

Harvey swallowed the contents in his mouth and bit back: "No one was asking you! Now leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you lot after you were so horrible to me!"

"HEY! I wasn't horrible!"

Wincing, Harvey lowered his tone to address Ingrid. "I know Ingy, but I just want to eat."

Lloyd roared, making everyone else jump. "WE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO EAT! NOW GET OFF YOUR FAT ARSE!"

Harvey froze suddenly. His brother had just called him…. _fat!_ Tears springing to his eyes, Harvey began shovelling food down at a faster rate. Sensing what had affected him, Mandy tried defusing the situation. She crouched down and placed a hand on Harvey's shoulder.

"Harvey, Lloyd didn't mean to call you _'fat'_ and I know it probably reminded you of Jeff." Harvey flinched at the name. Mandy grimaced, then continued:

"But we need to get going. We want to see the Octopus."

Harvey turned his head up and snarled: "Don't you mean _'we want to SAVE DINAH?!'"_

Blushing furiously, Mandy nodded and straightened up, backing away and cursing at her mistake. Lloyd panted, ordering in a stern tone:

"Harvey James, get your arse over to the rubbish chute we found or so help me, I will spank you right here and now."

Harvey's jaw went slack and he shouted in a panicked tone. "You c-can't do that! I'll be f-five minutes, I PROMISE! Then I'll c-come with and l-leave the suitcase somewhere!"

He slumped when Lloyd shook his head sternly. Harvey whimpered. "C-Come on, Lloyd! _I_ _n-need it!_ Please, just some food, I'm so hungry and it h-helps me after what you said-"

"I don't care!" Leaning down, Lloyd bellowed: "MOVE IT!"

Harvey shook his head, crying now. "J-Just two minutes, I-"

He ceased talking when Lloyd held up his hands. "I've had enough of this. Bye idiot."

The Leader of SPLAT whirled round and stormed off. Harvey whimpered, sputtering that he was nearly finished and that he _did_ care and that he needed to eat to block out painful memories, but it was not enough.

Ian and Mandy followed Lloyd and within a few moments, it was just Harvey and Ingrid. The youngest member sighed, muttering almost inaudibly as her eyes lingered on the food in the suitcase.

"All you care about is food. I know that the others have been acting weird cause of the Octopus, but at the end of the day, they want to help Dinah. All you want to do is sit on your fat arse and eat."

Harvey gaped, tears now running down his face. "Ingy, I-"

"I, nothing!" Ingrid panted, her tone morphing to a screech. "AS WE ARE UNAFFECTED BY THE OCTOPUS, WE HAVE TO BE ON TOP FORM AND SHOW THE OTHERS THAT WE CAN ACT MATURE! THAT WE CAN HELP OUT! I AM TRYING TO HELP! TRYING TO BE CIVIL, EVEN THOUGH I HATE THAT WE'RE HERE! AND YOU DON'T NEED FOOD, HARVEY! _YOU HAVE ME!_ AND THE REST OF SPLAT! YOU COULD HAVE TALKED TO ME INSTEAD OF RUNNING OFF WITH YOUR BLOODY SUITCASE AND STUFFING YOUR FACE! YOU CAN'T JUST RUN FROM YOUR DEMONS!"

Harvey screwed his face up, whispering: "I-I'm sorry, I-"

"SORRY!"

Ingrid slapped her forehead in frustration. "You're always apologising, Harvey. Stop it!" She took her hand away from her forehead, turning on her heel and striding away.

"I'm done with you for now, Hunter. I need a break."

"N-No! Don't break up w-with me! Ingrid, I n-need you!"

Ingrid spun back round, snarling: "I ain't breaking up with you, idiot!" She seemed close to tears and Harvey felt his heart twisting. Ingrid released a shaky breath as the first tears fell, whispering:

"Just sort out your priorities."

And then she was gone.

* * *

Harvey sat back, wiping away his tears. He flinched as he heard Ian's shouts for him to join them when he was ready and had his head sorted, rebounding over the car park. The small boy sniffled and continued to eat, anger overwhelming him when he could not find the tube of BBQ Pringles that he had packed specially.

Flinging his head back, Harvey screamed:

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BBQ PRINGLES?! LLOYD, YOU BETTER NOT HAVE EATEN THEM!"

"Tsk, tsk, Mr Hunter. Crying for more food, like an infant. My Prefects were right, one of your main aims in life _is_ to get food." A sneer accompanied the interruption of Harvey's rage filled scream. "And to eat away your issues, I presume?"

Freezing in horror, Harvey slowly lowered his head, gasping as a familiar face stared back at him. Dark glasses, a pale, stern mask of a face. That cold, brisk voice. Gone was the gown, a lab coat in replacement.

Harvey dismissed the slob insult and sputtered: "I-I-I-I….. I want my M-Mummy."

He cringed at what he had just said, sobbing as the Headmaster reached forwards and gripped the front of his striped t-shirt with a large hand. Harvey was thrust forwards and he wailed as the Headmaster hissed:

"Why are you here? Tell me everything!"

Harvey shook his head without thinking, his wails maximising in volume as the Headmaster suddenly clenched his jaw and hoisted Harvey in a rough manner over his shoulder. The Headmaster rose to his feet, turned sharply on his heel and headed towards the lift, snarling:

"You shall be paying for this, little boy and by the time I am finished with you, you will need enough food to feed the _entire country,_ in order to deal with what has occurred in this tower!"

Harvey sobbed against the Headmaster's shoulder, his body already limp. He needed SPLAT! But there was no use crying for them. One, it would only alert the Headmaster that more of his enemies were here, and two….

Harvey knew they wouldn't come. Not to help the _'fat arse'_ of the group. His sobs intensified as the Headmaster entered the lift, the man beginning to rock him gently, a large hand stroking his fair hair softly.


End file.
